transmutate

by little one

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lyrics

I always knew there was something wrong with me
I couldn't see thru the anxiety
I figured surely itwas my sick mind
but my thoughts are too sour and actions so swine
I sliced off your head mom while you prayed
and I ripped out your lungs dad while you laid
in bed asleep and I am sorry too
for taking everything that meant shit to you
I sliced up your son while he slept in his crib
and I wolfed down your daughter while she fought and she hid
and I need to remember that they were mine too
my brother my sister I killed thru and through
it all I learned a lot about me
about how I'm not human but also not free
from the strict confines of humanity
I am where I don't belong
i saw all the carnage the innards the gore
it was me i did that I wept on the floor
Of the place I could never call home again
I slammed thru the halls trying to hurt me instead
But it wasn't working it was my new brain
And heart and bones and skin and new pain
I healed so quickly I could never die
I would if I could fucking god why
is something like I allowed to exist
Was all I could think as I slashed my own wrists and
Watched the wounds close
this strong blood refuses to flow
I thought maybe it could heal you all too
I puked and I spit and I bled into you
On Your pieces your holes I hoped, it was useless
Eventually I left no more hopes or excuses
On all fours now because what the hell am I
Some human gone wrong some alien gone awry
I never thought it would turn out this way
Where did I come from why did I stay
Was my mother impregnated by an alien being
Am I a product of abduction a mistake I'm not seeing
Why I am here but it doesn't matter now
I ran from my errors my footfalls were loud
Thru love I still lost all that I needed
My negative thoughts have always been deep-seeded
But this was nothing compared to before
At some point I collapsed on the forest floor
It was night of next day I did not know the time
I slipped into sleep but woke up with no light
Screaming screams I thought were my family's in my ears
It surpassed all my most awful fears
I wandered and ran for days into nights
I ate bears and cats and hated the sight
The sounds of blood and fur in my mouth
Newfangled thoughts and feelings just cloud
All consuming my feeble mind
As I am desperately trying to find
A place to settle my wrongbroken bones
They've all cracked off cliffs and splintered on stones
Which don't go back to the way they belong
By the way so I look put together all wrong
Eventually thru all this living hell
I stumble upon a crumbling well
Slipping thru the light of a moon
Drag myself in listen to the drune
Of air rushing against cobbled walls
Sigh myself to sleep and for the first time months
I feel safe

credits

released October 19, 2015
eliza- words, keyboard

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about

little one Nashua, New Hampshire

i mix p much eveything on my phone nd it all sounds way better thru headphones. i suck sorry!

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